Learning To Fly

"Fatal attraction that's holding me fast, now I cant escape it's irresistible grasp..

.Cant keep my eyes from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted

Just an earth-bound misfit"

-David Gilmour-

 

     Throughout the short time I have spent in this realm we call earth, I have realized that I am continuously searching. Searching for a voyage that will satisfy the exhilaration that I crave, and optimally quench my thirst for knowledge and insight. On these voyages, many discoveries have been made pertaining to myself, human kind, and life in general. Succeeding these discoveries, though, there are constantly more questions. Consequently, my desire is unobtainable. Contemplating this never ending circle, I have often found myself wondering; "Why thirst for knowledge if there is endless knowledge to thirst for"? Why spend my days searching for an answer, when ultimately the answer leads to additional questions? Life is not a math problem, there is no single solution. So why must I long for this mysterious "answer to existence"?   

     This unquenchable thirst for ultimate insight has driven me to go beyond what I ever expected of myself. It has pushed me to my limits, forced me to find courage, led me to great heights, and driven me to accomplish numerous goals. I have realized though, that through my searching.. moments of peace and truth always seem to find me. Mostly when I do not expect them, and never when I am hunting them.

     So is the answer to my life long question to simply stop looking for the answer? Although my constant wondering (and wandering) has led me to great distances, could these heights have been achieved without stressing about what is next? What is right? What is true? The constant nagging question : what can I know that I didn't know before? 

     My fatal attraction is that I cannot keep my eyes from the sky. Through constant reminding, meditation, and yoga I have began to subdue the yearning beast within. I am gradually learning to become more accepting of things that have no answer. Things that cannot or are not meant to be solved. I am learning to just simply BE. My moments of peace will find me. I will love them, but I will also understand that while chasing particular moments, you are running from the others. For sometimes being still requires an immeasurable higher strength than to act. To attain this level of being, it is not my eyes that should be fixated in the sky. It is my mind. I am beginning to see with not only my corporeal sense, but with my spirit . I am learning to fly.

 

"There is no sensation to compare to this. Suspended animation = a state of bliss...

Cant keep my mind from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted

 Just an earth-bound misfit".

-David Gilmour-

 



     

Crash Course

     I step out of the song-tow (a pickup truck with seats in the bed that seconds as a "taxi") and I immediately feel the difference in the air quality. In Bangkok it is so smoggy that you could jump up and disappear, here the air is filled with the salty tang from the ocean and an overall "clearer" atmosphere. I walk into a wall of heat and instantly cannot wait to jump in the water, which I end up doing at the first restaurant we sit down at. The island has a pretty relaxed vibe plus the busyness of a popular beach. Lonely beach boasts the best strip on the island; famous for the parties, western food, and being the "backpackers hub" of the island. Needless to say, we crash here. I enjoy my time by collecting seashells, bothering monkeys, befriending stray dogs, and swimming endlessly. The beach makes me feel at peace and I absorb every ounce of sunshine while I lazily float on my back in the gulf of Thailand. The scenery is breathtaking with mountains and rainforest right next to the water. I immensely adore gazing at the mountains from the water, and relish in the fact that I have never been anywhere quite like this.  
     After a couple days of relaxed fun in the sun with nothing but beaches and beer, we decide to pick an activity to take part in. Now, I have read numerous times not to rent motorbikes or jetskis because it can be a scam.... but the group decided that the cheapest thing to do would be to rent the motorbikes for a day.. So we rent the bikes and take off to explore the island with nothing but smiles and our cameras.
     Ten minutes later one bike is somewhere in the bushes and the other is rolling down a hill. Yup. That happened. In a panic I chase down my bike and yell to the other girls, asking if they are ok. A Thai man leaps out of his truck and rushes over to make sure we are ok and to help us pick up these god forsaken, million pound-death traps. Nobody is seriously injured, and the first thing I do is hop back on the motorbike to "defeat" this stupid hill that made us crash. I ride up and down a few times and once I feel confident again, I park next to the other girls. They all refuse to drive so I end up bringing one bike back to the hotel, catching a ride back to them, then driving the other one while other girls caught a taxi. I ended up cruising on the bike solo for the rest of the day, exploring the jungle and enjoying the warm air in my hair. Luckily no more crashes.
     So after careful deliberation we decide to fix the bikes up the best we can and return them the next day like we originally intended. Right? Wrong. We return the bikes with nervous smiles and an attempted normalcy, but they immediately notice the scratches, broken headlight, cracked frame, and dislodged brake. oops. Before returning the bikes, we asked the Danish man who owned our bungalows how much it would cost to repair what we damaged. He told us no more than 400-500 Baht, which is equivalent to about 15 or 16 dollars. This seemed acceptable and we were more than happy to pay this amount if they requested it.
     After careful inspection of the bikes, the Thai man declared that we owed him a whopping 3000 baht. A hundred dollars that none of us could really afford.
     Hours of phone calls to the boss, tourist police, extreme bargaining, and we still got no where. 3000 baht was the only and final asking price for our damage. We coughed up the dough and chalked it up to another learning experience in the land of Thai... I knew we should of went snorkeling.

Breaking Baht

Khao San Road.
     The busiest and most well know road in Bangkok. Dirty, smelly, loud, and most of all money hungry.
For my first eight days in Thailand I was subjected to the sights and smells of down town Bangkok. Khao San was my sanctuary. The other westerners drew me in, English speaking folk like myself... and of course the nightlife. Every night I found myself ending up on Khao San whether it was with a group or by myself. And every night I somehow found myself back at the same watering hole. A live guitar wailing out a broken English version of "Wish You Were Here", an outdoor patio, lanterns, a hookah and a much more laid back attitude than most of the other bars. Here there was no club music or 18 year old foreigners looking for a ping pong show (look it up). The same few bar tenders worked every night and everyone was looking for a place to unwind or simply chill. A large Chang beer was 90 Baht which is equivalent to about 3 USD. This was the cheapest price I had seen and other larger clubs were likely to charge 120 to 160 Baht.
     My 7th night at this bar, I sat down and ordered my usual: a large Chang beer. I sipped my beer and listened to the guitarist belt out "Wonderwall" by Oasis and thought about how amazing Thailand already had been. I relished the smell of the hookah at the next table and graciously accepted the offer to take a toke. I smiled at the Europians in appreciation and went back to my Chang and watching the guitar player. I finished my beer and calmly reflected on how much I had already learned about this place. I marveled at how amazingly genuine everyone seemed to be and felt like the luckiest person in the world. At that moment, the server came to me asking if i needed another beer. I responded no, and he smiled a squinty eyed smile and almost excitedly replied; I owed 60 Baht.
Alas!
 Local prices.