The advice your mother never gave you.

    Ask someone if they think the human race is generally good and most will answer "of course not". There are murders everyday, rapes, robberies, mass genocide, and countless acts of heartlessness committed so frequently that who wouldn't think us humans are down right horrid? They'll tell you life is hard, it's misery from the start, people are bad, be cautious, don't trust anyone. In the states we learn from the get go not to take candy from strangers, accept a ride, or even look in the direction of someone your unfamiliar with. Does this early conditioning set us up for a lifetime of being overly cautious? Developing trust issues or leading a life of subconscious solitude?
     I don't think this lack of trust in fellow humans is a global view. Here in Thailand people are generally kinder to one another. On numerous occasions while traveling I have thrown caution to the wind and put blind faith into a complete stranger. I've travelled from Bangkok to Chiang Mai by hitching a ride in the back of a pick up truck. I've made my way around national parks by waving down numerous motorbikes, and I've explored country side villages by accepting offers to go home with a local for dinner. I have learned about the Vietnamese/American war while riding around on the back of a moped with a man who possessed a passion for history. I experienced a traditional death anniversary ceremony by staying at the home of two young Cambodian sisters.
    Some of you might be shaking your head saying "what a stupid girl, gonna wind up kidnapped or worse". I'm not stupid, careless, or uneducated on the dangers that lie dormant until provoked. I understand some people have bad intentions, but I also understand that some people don't. I think that's what most westerners lack, the understanding that some simply don't. If you constantly live your life thinking "what do they want from me, why are they being nice there must be a hidden agenda". Then you will never know the gratitude that comes with being treated kindly, the humbleness that comes from letting another person help you, and the joy of one day being able to return the favor.
So take some candy from a stranger once in a while... Sometimes it tastes the sweetest.
 

Elephant Enlightenment

   The past week has been an experience that I will never forget. Elephants have always held a special place in my heart, and now they have just buried even further. Spending time with these animals; I was able to learn different personalities, characteristics, likes and dislikes of ten elephants. My favorite elephant was called Fah Sai which means clear skies. Fah Sai immediately grabbed my attention with her gentle nature and exquisitely large size. I became even further connected to her after learning that we are the same age.      
    She was the first elephant I took on a walk and the first elephant I ever swam with. In the river Fah Sai took care of me like I was a small child. She was calm and gentle, careful not to kick or step on me. She playfully sprayed me with water and patiently let me scrub her from head to tail.

     Working with elephants is like nothing I can compare to... Except working with horses. Like horses, elephants are an intelligent herd animal that have been domesticated by humans. Seeing first hand the interaction between human and elephant I couldn't help but to be reminded of my days spent bumming around a barn, training and riding. As the days progressed I began to see that just like horses, some elephants can be defiant, "misbehave" and cause a scene. As I began to notice these behaviors, I realized (more than ever), how necessary it is for a mahout to have good control over his elephant.

    One thing I did not expect to take away from this experience is such a strong relation to the mahouts. I understand why they have to use bull hooks, I understand why they have to get rough at times. The trainer in me sees that it is necessary to pinch their ears when they're acting up or give a smack with bamboo when they try to hit you with their trunk. Of course there are degrees, it's never ok to make an animal cry out in pain or bleed.
     As this new found understanding set in, I began to see clearly the solution to elephant "cruelty". It doesn't lie within outlawing a bull hook. It lies within us. The foreigners, the animals lovers who "just want to see one up close". The people who come to Thailand with"riding an elephant" at the top of their bucket list. Yes, I believe in animal rights, I believe that they should be treated kindly and with respect. No, I don't believe that wild animals should be kept in captivity... But the sad truth is that they are. They are in captivity and the only thing we can do is work towards giving them a life closest to what they would experience in the wild.
    Ecotourism: if you are dying to see an elephant up close. Pay to view an elephant in a sanctuary over paying to view an elephant in a show ring. Painting pictures, standing on one leg, balancing on a ball, and even carrying humans isn't natural. It's down right degrading for such an elegant, intelligent animal to be reduced to a ride and a show. The movement starts now; think before attending a circus or pay for an elephant ride people... There are other ways.

If not us, then who? If not now, then when?

Life By The Bell

     I peel my eyes open and hear the dong of the bell once again, and cant help but to think "I wonder if anyone will notice if I skip 4:00 am meditation today".. Despite this tempting idea to miss the morning routine, I sit up on my concrete slab and stretch out the kinks in my back. I slowly pull open my mosquito net, carefully placing one bare foot on the floor at a time; always conscious of poisonous creatures that might be lurking around. Another day has arrived, waiting to be filled with quiet contemplation, sitting meditation, dharma teachings, and Pali chanting. The sun awaits its turn in the sky, the air tangible with the anticipation of daylight. Sometimes, during these early mornings I can almost feel the change happening from darkness to light. The sun is like liquid filled to the brim of a cup, hanging in balance until the moment it inevitably spills into the sky. 
     Here there is no need to keep track of time. The bell tells us what to do and when to do it. The day starts with our first meditation session accompanied with a reading from the teachings of the Buddha. After this we move through yoga, breakfast, another sitting meditation, walking meditation, standing meditation, sitting meditation then break/lunch. Repeat for the second half of the day. The repetitive nature proves to be a challenge and my minds natural desire to stay busy makes each day harder and harder.
    
     The monastery held a calmness that is very difficult to find. Although the place was the definition of peaceful, this absolute stillness creates a mind that is quite the opposite. Thought patterns that are never apparent until your trying to break them arise consistently with no mercy. Emptying the mind is like trying to shovel in a blizzard. The thoughts cease to end when you want them to, and finding inner silence seems nearly impossible. For ten days I attempted this meditation, hour after hour, day after day. I was able to achieve concentration one time. One. Time.
   
      I entered the retreat thinking that this was going to be a calm and peaceful ten days, filled with long walks, a quiet mind, and a simplicity that I really do adore. I found that this was not the case. Yes, there were some moments when I truly felt at peace, I found pleasure in simple tasks like hand washing my clothes or brushing my teeth. But the truth of the matter is that meditation is not a relaxing affair. It is not soothing hours spent calmly reflecting your thoughts, nor is it a peaceful pondering of life. Not a woman sitting near a stream with a half smile on her face looking like Mother Mary herself.
     It is a battle. A constant war against yourself. A fight to the death between your ego and the unconditioned mind.
     Usually the ego wins. It has been controlling your mind for the majority of your life, so its stronger, better at dominating. However, if the other part of your mind can take over, even if only for a second, it is a major victory. Hopefully with time my ego will learn to take the backseat a bit more. With practice and education, one day I hope to achieve a state of mind with limited conditions. Or at least with a little less influence from my thought indulgent ego.

     On the last day, the silence was finally broken. We all finally were able to speak with individuals whom we had been sharing this difficult experience with in complete silence. It was refreshing to hear that I wasn't the only one who struggled literally the entire time. Four people actually ended up approaching me with kind things to say. One telling me; " I just HAVE to tell you how much I admired your posture throughout the whole retreat". The others telling me that I had smiled at them at the exact time they needed it, giving encouragement and inspiration at exactly the right time. A man ended up buying me breakfast for the same thing, and I couldn't help but to be surprised at the impact you can have on people without even knowing it.
     So smile at others, give an encouraging nod even for no reason. Everyone is fighting a battle. Even if they don't know it.

The Iphone Conundrum; an epic war of concious space and cyber space.

     We're all guilty of it. Looking down when we should be looking up, looking through a screen when we should be looking with our eyes. Most cant imagine going a day without a smart phone practically glued to their palm. For the past month I have been smart phone-less, wandering through Thailand amusing myself with things other than candy crush and farmville. No instagram, no twitter, no texts, calls, snapchats, or the ever present "selfie". Instead I have watched, listened, and absorbed every sight, smell, and scene. I wish I could say my month of being "disconnected" was due to some profound enlightenment or self challenge... but the truth is, I dropped my phone in the toilet.
    
     Devastation struck as I questioned how I would even function without my precious piece of equipment; "what will I do when I'm bored at work?" "How will I talk to people?" .. and most pathetically.. " I JUST made an instagram! I need more followers ughhh (insert sadface)"
The technological world slipped through my fingers and literally down the drain.

     All of a sudden, I felt like I was left out of some secret club where everyone knew exactly when to whip out these high tech gadgets and begin their journey into the wireless world. As everyone around me moved their thumbs at the speed of light; I realized that for the past few years, I have been one of these manic thumb moving, I-phone zombies.

      This realization encouraged me to actively began focusing on the world around me and exactly the things I would have missed if I had been absorbed in my phone. I realized that every moment spent with neck bent and eyes strained, is a moment forever lost in time. In todays society, every moment is a battle between the awareness of real life and the temptation of cyber life. Every moment spent inside cyber life instead of inside real life is a battle lost to technology. These two conflicting awareness occupants currently seem to be neck in neck in this ongoing war. With the seemingly growing fad of "collective consciousness"  and the equally growing fad of "followers, hashtags, and abbreviations" ; the war has just begun.

     Imagine if consciousness wins. Imagine if everyone collectively decided to calm the fu** down on the fast and embrace the slow. One morning as I gazed around my school's courtyard, I noticed my hands. Yes that's right my hands. No I wasn't on drugs. I noticed them because they were fidgeting, previously conditioned to be moving when my body is not. Texting, scrolling, or just surfing the web- that's what they are used to. I acknowledged them and for once in my life, consciously debated what I should do with them. I mean everyone else's hands were busy, so what should I do with mine? I felt awkward and momentarily twiddled my thumbs. But then I realized "my hands don't have to do anything" Its not a requirement for them to be busy. I actively decided to look inward instead of outward, to be rather than to be texting. Yes, it is important to keep your ties with other humans, to cherish friendships, and nurture the bonds with people. But isn't it just as important to honor yourself and nurture your moments of stillness?

          "He who knows others is wise, but he who knows himself is enlightened" -Lao Tzu-
    
     Next week I will be connected again, and although I am excited to see some familiar faces via facetime, I cant say that I am 100% happy about it. On one hand I am ecstatic to be more in touch with my loved ones (as I am on the other side of the world). But on the other hand, the freedom that being "disconnected" brought me was overwhelmingly beautiful. I have taken a vow that more moments will be given to my consciousness rather than to an artificial intelligence. I will not let my awareness be defeated by technology.
   
     So give a few battles over to consciousness, put down the I-phone. Look up. Notice the air around you, a breeze, or the way sunlight is hitting a spot on the ground. Observe the thoughts that float by without any influence from the internet or social media. Sink into a rhythmic pattern of breath. Be still and see how far you can stretch your awareness. Explore exactly  how you are feeling in this moment. Take a night to simply stare at the night sky (and no don't use the app for that). Realize that you are merely a speck in this infinite universe and that its going to keep moving... whether your aware of it or not. Put your ego in check, realize your occupancy here can only truly matter if it truly matters to you, and finally,... ask yourself:  
               "what side will prevail in this battle between conscious space and cyber space?".