The Act of Giving

    
     Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This year I will be spending the holidays alone for the first time. I will be trading family dinner for a classroom and a Christmas tree for a lesson plan. Although I will miss my friends and family back home, I am truly looking forward to celebrating in my own way. This year I am elated to rejoice by giving my love and time to the students at my school. These students have already begun teaching me so much about what it means to be a simple-kind-of-happy. The forever smiling faces and calls of "teeaachha Teeefahhnny" lift my spirits daily and remind me why I have taken on the daunting task of teaching Angrid (English).
     Each day I am astonished at how much these students love and respect their teachers as well as each other. I am told on a daily basis "I love you" and I never hesitate to say it back. Children respect my presence but are also thrilled when I arrive to teach.
I am constantly being given chocolate, stickers, erasers, and candy from my students, and they are overjoyed when I accept. For them, it is not about what they are giving or about how much.It is about the simple act of giving. They do not need a holiday to practice the act of giving nor do they give with any expectations. Today I witnessed a child take all of her stickers off of her own ID card to give to me. Yesterday a young boy gave away every single cookie in his lunch box to his friends without keeping a single one for himself. He wasn't sad about it or even disappointed. When I asked him "what about you" he only smiled and shrugged his little shoulders. 
     This is how life should be. Sharing for the sheer generosity of sharing. No barriers or selfishness, no underlying reason about what you can receive in return. Just giving to give.   
     Small acts of kindness like these warm my heart and push me to encourage and support these students as much as I possibly can. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for these kids and for how awakening they have been. This holiday season I aspire to enlighten and teach these children as much as they have already enlightened and taught me.  

Challenge Accepted

     I walk into the bus station with the same black backpack I have carried with me on every adventure; pink Mardi-Gras beads hanging from one side and a collection of bracelets on the other. I feel hesitant and somewhat leery about this trip but cannot place my finger on exactly why. Maybe its my lack of planning, or maybe its that I have to be back in Bangkok on Monday morning. Either way, a nagging feeling told me I was making a big mistake by boarding the overnight bus to Chiang Mai. I grow even more weary after being informed that first class has been sold out and that the only tickets left are third class (more seats, crowded, no bathroom). Superstitious me thinks: "It must be a sign right?" I'm not supposed to go, something bad is going to happen, the ticket I wanted is not even available... I feel something that is quite unusual for me: fear. I begin to worry that I wont make it back on time, that I wont know where to go, that I'm wasting my time...My subconscious screams at me in exasperation as my ego takes over and forces my hand clenched with money to the cashier. I hear myself say "one for third class to Chiang Mai" and I cant help but wonder: "What the hell am I thinking?"  Ok Ego. Challenge Accepted.
                              
    
    A ten hour bus ride and some new friends later, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about the meaning of Loi Krathong and Yi Peng. I was thinking about how this ceremony is not only beautiful, but symbolical as well. I was thinking about letting go of my sins and anything that has burdened me. I was thinking about how exhilarating it is to travel alone, make new friends, and to never know exactly what is going to happen next. I was thinking about the lights, sounds, smells and emotions that always seem to intensify when I have no one accompanying me but myself. My trip consisted of celebrations, festivities of all kinds, temple hopping, joining locals in making krathongs, and experiencing the most beautiful mass gathering I have ever been to in my life. Thousands of lanterns floated into the sky to create a sea of light unlike anything I have ever seen. Goosebumps covered my body as I raised my arms to let go of my lantern. With my lantern, my doubts, my sins, and my past years endeavors all disappear into the night. I yell out in pure joy and welcome whatever is to come.

     The trip wasn't perfect. There are always some unexpected twists and turns. For example; I never did make it to the hotel I booked. I also missed my bus home and was late for work on Monday morning. So I guess my "bad feeling" wasn't totally incorrect. Nothing went as planned, I slept on an inflatable raft, got lost, missed a bus, ate the cheapest food I possibly could, and didn't show up to teach until lunch time. But what the hell? I also made some awesome friends, crafted my own krathong, saw an amazing ceremony....slept on an inflatable raft, got lost, missed a bus, ate the cheapest food I possibly could... and guess what? I lived. Not only did I survive, but I enjoyed every moment of it.

     Yes, sometimes getting on that bus alone takes balls, courage and maybe in some circumstances-stupidity. Nothing goes as planned and sometimes your left with nothing but cheap street food and an inflatable raft for the night. But once your there; smile, breathe, and enjoy the ride. I sent my lantern in to the sky and with it every ounce of doubt floated away. I knew exactly why I came and exactly why I am here.

Learning To Fly

"Fatal attraction that's holding me fast, now I cant escape it's irresistible grasp..

.Cant keep my eyes from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted

Just an earth-bound misfit"

-David Gilmour-

 

     Throughout the short time I have spent in this realm we call earth, I have realized that I am continuously searching. Searching for a voyage that will satisfy the exhilaration that I crave, and optimally quench my thirst for knowledge and insight. On these voyages, many discoveries have been made pertaining to myself, human kind, and life in general. Succeeding these discoveries, though, there are constantly more questions. Consequently, my desire is unobtainable. Contemplating this never ending circle, I have often found myself wondering; "Why thirst for knowledge if there is endless knowledge to thirst for"? Why spend my days searching for an answer, when ultimately the answer leads to additional questions? Life is not a math problem, there is no single solution. So why must I long for this mysterious "answer to existence"?   

     This unquenchable thirst for ultimate insight has driven me to go beyond what I ever expected of myself. It has pushed me to my limits, forced me to find courage, led me to great heights, and driven me to accomplish numerous goals. I have realized though, that through my searching.. moments of peace and truth always seem to find me. Mostly when I do not expect them, and never when I am hunting them.

     So is the answer to my life long question to simply stop looking for the answer? Although my constant wondering (and wandering) has led me to great distances, could these heights have been achieved without stressing about what is next? What is right? What is true? The constant nagging question : what can I know that I didn't know before? 

     My fatal attraction is that I cannot keep my eyes from the sky. Through constant reminding, meditation, and yoga I have began to subdue the yearning beast within. I am gradually learning to become more accepting of things that have no answer. Things that cannot or are not meant to be solved. I am learning to just simply BE. My moments of peace will find me. I will love them, but I will also understand that while chasing particular moments, you are running from the others. For sometimes being still requires an immeasurable higher strength than to act. To attain this level of being, it is not my eyes that should be fixated in the sky. It is my mind. I am beginning to see with not only my corporeal sense, but with my spirit . I am learning to fly.

 

"There is no sensation to compare to this. Suspended animation = a state of bliss...

Cant keep my mind from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted

 Just an earth-bound misfit".

-David Gilmour-

 



     

Crash Course

     I step out of the song-tow (a pickup truck with seats in the bed that seconds as a "taxi") and I immediately feel the difference in the air quality. In Bangkok it is so smoggy that you could jump up and disappear, here the air is filled with the salty tang from the ocean and an overall "clearer" atmosphere. I walk into a wall of heat and instantly cannot wait to jump in the water, which I end up doing at the first restaurant we sit down at. The island has a pretty relaxed vibe plus the busyness of a popular beach. Lonely beach boasts the best strip on the island; famous for the parties, western food, and being the "backpackers hub" of the island. Needless to say, we crash here. I enjoy my time by collecting seashells, bothering monkeys, befriending stray dogs, and swimming endlessly. The beach makes me feel at peace and I absorb every ounce of sunshine while I lazily float on my back in the gulf of Thailand. The scenery is breathtaking with mountains and rainforest right next to the water. I immensely adore gazing at the mountains from the water, and relish in the fact that I have never been anywhere quite like this.  
     After a couple days of relaxed fun in the sun with nothing but beaches and beer, we decide to pick an activity to take part in. Now, I have read numerous times not to rent motorbikes or jetskis because it can be a scam.... but the group decided that the cheapest thing to do would be to rent the motorbikes for a day.. So we rent the bikes and take off to explore the island with nothing but smiles and our cameras.
     Ten minutes later one bike is somewhere in the bushes and the other is rolling down a hill. Yup. That happened. In a panic I chase down my bike and yell to the other girls, asking if they are ok. A Thai man leaps out of his truck and rushes over to make sure we are ok and to help us pick up these god forsaken, million pound-death traps. Nobody is seriously injured, and the first thing I do is hop back on the motorbike to "defeat" this stupid hill that made us crash. I ride up and down a few times and once I feel confident again, I park next to the other girls. They all refuse to drive so I end up bringing one bike back to the hotel, catching a ride back to them, then driving the other one while other girls caught a taxi. I ended up cruising on the bike solo for the rest of the day, exploring the jungle and enjoying the warm air in my hair. Luckily no more crashes.
     So after careful deliberation we decide to fix the bikes up the best we can and return them the next day like we originally intended. Right? Wrong. We return the bikes with nervous smiles and an attempted normalcy, but they immediately notice the scratches, broken headlight, cracked frame, and dislodged brake. oops. Before returning the bikes, we asked the Danish man who owned our bungalows how much it would cost to repair what we damaged. He told us no more than 400-500 Baht, which is equivalent to about 15 or 16 dollars. This seemed acceptable and we were more than happy to pay this amount if they requested it.
     After careful inspection of the bikes, the Thai man declared that we owed him a whopping 3000 baht. A hundred dollars that none of us could really afford.
     Hours of phone calls to the boss, tourist police, extreme bargaining, and we still got no where. 3000 baht was the only and final asking price for our damage. We coughed up the dough and chalked it up to another learning experience in the land of Thai... I knew we should of went snorkeling.

Breaking Baht

Khao San Road.
     The busiest and most well know road in Bangkok. Dirty, smelly, loud, and most of all money hungry.
For my first eight days in Thailand I was subjected to the sights and smells of down town Bangkok. Khao San was my sanctuary. The other westerners drew me in, English speaking folk like myself... and of course the nightlife. Every night I found myself ending up on Khao San whether it was with a group or by myself. And every night I somehow found myself back at the same watering hole. A live guitar wailing out a broken English version of "Wish You Were Here", an outdoor patio, lanterns, a hookah and a much more laid back attitude than most of the other bars. Here there was no club music or 18 year old foreigners looking for a ping pong show (look it up). The same few bar tenders worked every night and everyone was looking for a place to unwind or simply chill. A large Chang beer was 90 Baht which is equivalent to about 3 USD. This was the cheapest price I had seen and other larger clubs were likely to charge 120 to 160 Baht.
     My 7th night at this bar, I sat down and ordered my usual: a large Chang beer. I sipped my beer and listened to the guitarist belt out "Wonderwall" by Oasis and thought about how amazing Thailand already had been. I relished the smell of the hookah at the next table and graciously accepted the offer to take a toke. I smiled at the Europians in appreciation and went back to my Chang and watching the guitar player. I finished my beer and calmly reflected on how much I had already learned about this place. I marveled at how amazingly genuine everyone seemed to be and felt like the luckiest person in the world. At that moment, the server came to me asking if i needed another beer. I responded no, and he smiled a squinty eyed smile and almost excitedly replied; I owed 60 Baht.
Alas!
 Local prices.