Challenge Accepted

     I walk into the bus station with the same black backpack I have carried with me on every adventure; pink Mardi-Gras beads hanging from one side and a collection of bracelets on the other. I feel hesitant and somewhat leery about this trip but cannot place my finger on exactly why. Maybe its my lack of planning, or maybe its that I have to be back in Bangkok on Monday morning. Either way, a nagging feeling told me I was making a big mistake by boarding the overnight bus to Chiang Mai. I grow even more weary after being informed that first class has been sold out and that the only tickets left are third class (more seats, crowded, no bathroom). Superstitious me thinks: "It must be a sign right?" I'm not supposed to go, something bad is going to happen, the ticket I wanted is not even available... I feel something that is quite unusual for me: fear. I begin to worry that I wont make it back on time, that I wont know where to go, that I'm wasting my time...My subconscious screams at me in exasperation as my ego takes over and forces my hand clenched with money to the cashier. I hear myself say "one for third class to Chiang Mai" and I cant help but wonder: "What the hell am I thinking?"  Ok Ego. Challenge Accepted.
                              
    
    A ten hour bus ride and some new friends later, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about the meaning of Loi Krathong and Yi Peng. I was thinking about how this ceremony is not only beautiful, but symbolical as well. I was thinking about letting go of my sins and anything that has burdened me. I was thinking about how exhilarating it is to travel alone, make new friends, and to never know exactly what is going to happen next. I was thinking about the lights, sounds, smells and emotions that always seem to intensify when I have no one accompanying me but myself. My trip consisted of celebrations, festivities of all kinds, temple hopping, joining locals in making krathongs, and experiencing the most beautiful mass gathering I have ever been to in my life. Thousands of lanterns floated into the sky to create a sea of light unlike anything I have ever seen. Goosebumps covered my body as I raised my arms to let go of my lantern. With my lantern, my doubts, my sins, and my past years endeavors all disappear into the night. I yell out in pure joy and welcome whatever is to come.

     The trip wasn't perfect. There are always some unexpected twists and turns. For example; I never did make it to the hotel I booked. I also missed my bus home and was late for work on Monday morning. So I guess my "bad feeling" wasn't totally incorrect. Nothing went as planned, I slept on an inflatable raft, got lost, missed a bus, ate the cheapest food I possibly could, and didn't show up to teach until lunch time. But what the hell? I also made some awesome friends, crafted my own krathong, saw an amazing ceremony....slept on an inflatable raft, got lost, missed a bus, ate the cheapest food I possibly could... and guess what? I lived. Not only did I survive, but I enjoyed every moment of it.

     Yes, sometimes getting on that bus alone takes balls, courage and maybe in some circumstances-stupidity. Nothing goes as planned and sometimes your left with nothing but cheap street food and an inflatable raft for the night. But once your there; smile, breathe, and enjoy the ride. I sent my lantern in to the sky and with it every ounce of doubt floated away. I knew exactly why I came and exactly why I am here.